A good place to look for a definition of flow is in Mihaly
Csikszentmihaly's book called Flow. He describes flow as "the way people
describe their state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered
and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake." Flow is
an optimal experience typically experienced during sports, games and
hobbies. Athletes describe it as being in the zone. When flow occurs, you
feel completely focused; your mind and body are working in harmony; you
are using your whole self yet you don't feel overwhelmed. Time gets
distorted and you experience life as full and intense. You feel joy,
creativity, a total involvement in life.
Another way to think of flow is that feel good karma where things are
in sync; you feel good and things are working out without huge amounts of
worry, anxiety and self-criticism. There is a zen-like quality to flow. It
has a spiritual quality.
Before going forward, there must be a disclaimer. Being in flow does
not mean that you experience joy and happiness all the time. We are never
happy 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We humans go through ups and downs
and that is normal and will always be the case. But being in flow means
having more of your life be filled with joy rather than less.
How do you find flow?
Become Conscious of your thoughts and feelings
You cannot be in flow unless you are aware of your own internal
processes. You must be conscious of your daily experience of life, of your
feelings and emotions, intentions, needs and thoughts.
Many of us are so busy doing things that we deliberately avoid noticing
and reflecting on our inner processes. Many of us have trained ourselves
to ignore our own feelings. We just move onto the next to do on our list.
If you walk through hours of the day and are unaware of how you feel or
if you believe you are calm and under control all day, you may actually be
suppressing your feelings. Then the first step you need to take is to
increase your awareness of your emotions throughout the day.
Try this exercise at work when you are most likely to suppress
emotions:
Set the "alarm" on your computer to pop up with a message every two
hours (you can also use a regular alarm or a watch alarm). Every two hours
quickly log the answers to the following three questions: * How you are
feeling about the people you have dealt with in the last two hours? * What
are you preoccupied with and thinking about? * Also note how you are
feeling about yourself?
Meditate. Meditation is also a good way to become more aware of what
goes through your own mind. There are different schools of meditation to
choose from. One is the Shambala school. Shambala meditation has its roots
in Tibetan Buddhism but has been modified to suit Western culture. The
explanations are easy to understand, the instruction is excellent. The
goal of meditation is to become more conscious of your thought processes.
Keep the Mind and Body Flowing Together
It is important to acknowledge that you have both a mind and a body and
that the two are connected. People often experience flow when physically
exerting themselves. Experiment with different activities that involve the
mind and body and notice how the physical affects the mental. The
activities below not only unify mind and body but they also develop
discipline for the mind.
* Sign up for a Yoga class. Yoga originates from Indian philosophy. It
has both mental and physical aspects. There are different schools of yoga.
Hatha yoga for instance stresses mastery of the body as a way of attaining
spiritual awareness.
* Try martial arts. Although the popular image of the martial arts
seems to be about fighting or defending yourself, in actuality there is a
strong emphasis on the mental and spiritual state of the practitioner. You
practice suspending the rational mind so your body and mind can act as one
unit.
* Massage and bodywork. There are numerous opportunities for body
healing. Your mood and mental state can be severely affected by the
functioning of your body. Take advantage of massage and different
bodyworking techniques. Massage will help you relax. Bodywork will help
move around the energy in your body. There are numerous bodywork
approaches. Pick one or two and give them a try until you find one you
like. Examples include Swedish massage, cranial sacral therapy,
reflexiology, shiatsu, reiki etc.
And finally continue a regular exercise regimen.
Keep Your Relationships in Flow
When we are not in flow in our relationships with spouses, children,
family, co-workers and friends, it is difficult to be in flow overall. If
you want more flow in relationships, do the following:
* Don't hold back in communicating your true feelings
We make a critical mistake when we want to "keep the peace." We assume
that harmony comes from hiding our true feelings, especially if by holding
back we will avoid hurting the other person's feelings. In truth by
holding back, we create distance. The other person can sense your holding
back. Your non-verbal behavior will reveal it. When we sense a person
holding back, we also pull back. Then you have two people holding back and
feeling distant from each other.
* Tell the other person what you need
In any relationship there are certain needs we have, to be respected,
to be acknowledged, to be thanked, to be valued. If we need to be treated
in a certain way, we need to let the other person know. We cannot expect
co-workers or family members to read our minds. We must say it clearly and
out loud. For example, if someone is taking you for granted and you feel
ignored, let that person know that you need some attention and tell them
what kind.
* Over- communicate
Given that communication can be difficult even when you speak the same
language, it doesn't hurt to over-communicate. For instance, repeat
important thoughts three times to others. It will help them remember. Also
double check or confirm that the other person understood what you said.
Sometimes we sabotage the relationship by thinking, "well I told you once
so you should have listened" Don't set the other person up for failure.
* Clearing
If you do find you have been holding back for some time, you need to
let the other person know. If you are angry at someone and have let it go
on for sometime, you need to clear. Clearing is about getting things off
your chest, clearing the air. It's about openly communicating how you are
feeling and doing. Clearing ensures we have not left unsaid something
important. By clearing, we demonstrate we can open about our feelings and
we are able to be vulnerable to others. Both enhance flow in
relationships.
Judy is an anthropologist, coach and group process expert. She is
devoted to inspiring positive change in the world and works with
individuals and organizations that are committed to making a difference in
their realm of influence. Over her career she has blended business, social
science, creative problem solving and group dynamics to help organizations
and individuals in the realms of strategic planning, generating new ideas
for programs and products, increasing innovation and creativity, and
proactively dealing with change. She has worked with fortune 500
corporations such as Campbell Soup, universities such as University of
Maryland Law School, and non-profits such as Baltimore Reads. She holds a
Bachelor's degree from the Wharton School of Business and a Masters of
Applied Anthropology from University of Maryland College Park. She is
known for her interactive, energetic presence and is a sought-after
speaker. In her spare time enjoys backcountry camping, dabbling in theater
and playwriting on the issues of race and ethnicity.
Judy Tso can be contacted at judytso@ahasolutions.org or visit
www.ahasolutions.org.
