No doubt about it, life can be difficult. Every time we encounter
someone or something new, be it a new car or a new concept, we must
quickly determine if the new object is a threat to our safety. In those
moments when we are gathering data, using our minds to scan for facial
expression and tone of voice, our bodies are on alert. If we find the
newness frightening, our bodies instantaneously pour out chemicals and
electrical impulses from our brains that will tell us to stand firm and
fight, with words or fists, or to gather our things and run! Since daily
we encounter new situations and challenges, these decisions must be made
within fractions of a second. Maintaining our balance, a process known as
homeostasis, depends on it. The chemicals and impulses released in this
"fight or flight" response cause widespread changes in our bodies that
have life-threatening implications for our health. We will discuss the
physical effects of stress in more detail in future columns.
For now, imagine the stresses of daily life to be represented as
stones. Some stones are boulders, others merely pebbles; some smooth, some
jagged and painful to hold. Throughout every day, as we encounter life, an
imaginary stone is placed in an imaginary pack we carry on our back every
time we face a stressful situation. Remember, anything we see as
potentially threatening causes a chemical reaction in our bodies. Some
situations will be of little threat, such as answering the phone, while
some can be quite heavy, losing your job. That we will have stones placed
in our packs is inevitable. Life is difficult. The good news is we do have
some control over the size of the rocks and how long we go before we empty
our backpacks. Only the individual can determine the weight of the rocks
placed in the bag. Before we talk about how this is done, a caveat: you
cannot judge the weight of a rock by its size. Some rocks look huge but
are sandstone and relatively light. A small piece of marble can break your
back if carried long enough.
We determine the weight of the rocks placed on our backs by what our
minds tell us the rocks should weigh. Many factors affect our assessment,
including our genetics, cultural norms, beliefs, values, memories and
expectations. For one person a divorce may be an unbearable load while to
another the divorce may actually lighten their load! For some, assigning
heavy weights to every rock has become a habit. They "make mountains out
of molehills." Some allow others to determine their rocks' weights. "Oh,
that must be awful!" our "friends" remind us. The important thing to
remember is that, in reality, only we can determine the weight of the
rocks placed in our packs. Sadly, sometimes we choose to carry very heavy
loads. No wonder we are tired.
Fortunately, we have ways to empty our packs and lighten our loads.
This is crucial since every day more rocks are added. Healthy ways to
lighten our loads include sharing with others, taking breaks, being
grateful for what we have and, perhaps most importantly, forgiving those
who have harmed us. Sleep, exercise and play also lighten our packs. Some
choose to leave their packs full but take substances designed to help them
forget the burden. Another way to lighten the load is to spiritually
"unload" the burden to a Higher Power, believing there is a Meaning better
able to handle our rocks.
Finally, we must acknowledge that we often do not know the composition
of the rocks we carry. We may know their weight and shape but we cannot
know their character. We also may never know the original purpose of being
given a pack to carry. This is the place of faith, where we must seek
answers beyond knowing. I choose to believe carrying packs does several
things. First, we grow stronger. Secondly, we have a way to help others
with their loads. Only by carrying a pack can we experience the relief of
laying down our load. Finally, I believe in divine alchemy, for I believe
in the process of carrying our rocks the rocks themselves are transformed.
With time, pressure and faith, our lumps of coal can become diamonds.
This week, I challenge you to examine your packs. Can you make a
decision to leave some rocks alone? Can you share your load with a friend?
Can you lighten your burden by forgiving a wrong done to you? Can you
carry your load believing your stones may be transformed? You may, in
fact, be creating jewels at this very moment. That is maximal living.
http://www.health.uab.edu/maximalliving
http://www.health.uab.edu/show.asp?durki=4995